


Dissolution

by AndThisHappened



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drama, F/F, Romance, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-10 05:32:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13495894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndThisHappened/pseuds/AndThisHappened
Summary: Riko wasn't being honest with Dia or Yoshiko. But the truth was always bound to come out, and now she might lose everything she loved. How will these three move on?





	1. Dissolution

Riko sat on her couch head down, staring at her feet. She didn't want to look up to meet the glares of those two girls. She didn't want to see the betrayal in their eyes.

"You won't even look at us?" the older woman sneered. The disdain in her voice was palpable. Riko knew she was in the wrong. She didn't set out to lead either girl on. Looking back she wasn't even sure how it happened. Or maybe she was lying to herself again.

"Look at us." The other woman demanded, tapping her foot impatiently. "You disappoint me Lily."

Riko shot her head up, but still couldn't speak. Two sets of eyes that once looked at her with such love, now only bore through her with their cold, steely gazes. She felt naked, bare and disgusting.

"I guess none of this meant anything did it?"

"No!" she yelled desperately. Then more quietly, "No, it meant so much. I didn't mean for this to happen, Dia-san, Yoshiko-chan. I love you both so much."

"Bullshit." The older girl spat out.

"No it's true!"

"How did you even think this would end?" Yoshiko began. "How long did you think you could keep stringing us on before we'd find out?"

"I'm sorry," Riko was near tears. "I couldn't help it. I needed you both."

"You insatiable slut." Dia stamped her foot. "Which of us was it? Which of us did you start seeing first? And which of us began as your fucking toy?"

"Neither of you were a toy to me." she choked out, feeling as though she was set to burst.  _Please don't make me do this_ , she wanted to plead.

"Which of us was it Riko?" Yoshiko demanded. Riko felt a stabbing pain at the sound of her own name coming out of the younger woman's mouth. Of course she wouldn't be Yoshiko's 'Lily' after this.

"Yoshiko-chan and I had been sleeping together for a couple months when Dia-san asked me out for the first time. I was going to end things with Yoshiko-chan, but I couldn't. And then some months later Yoshiko-chan finally wanted to go steady."

"So what this is my fault now? How dare you Riko!"

"You just couldn't bring yourself to commit!" Riko suddenly found herself on her feet, angrily shouting back.

"I couldn't commit?" Yoshiko gestured angrily. "You're the one who can't commit. It was just sex. We'd agreed to that. There wasn't anything to commit to! And then when there was something to commit to it turns out you were already seeing someone else!"

"So I was just your second choice?" an unsteady voice broke through. "I was just a whim while you waited for something better?"

Riko turned to Dia as the older woman slapped her. She had tears falling down her cheeks.

"Dia it isn't like that." She pleaded.

"You keep saying that."

"It's true I was sleeping with Yoshiko-chan. I wanted something more but it just wasn't happening. I'd always admired you Dia-san. You were this perfect woman I could never hope to measure up to. To think that after all these years, someone like you would even consider being with someone like me? I was overjoyed." Riko couldn't take back what she had done, but she endeavored hopelessly to explain. "I know I should have ended things with Yoshiko first. But even so, when I was with you I felt so much happier than I could have imagined. I fell in love with you Dia-san. It wasn't fake." she pleaded pitifully. "You have to believe that."

Riko placed her hands on Dia's shoulders.

"And yet you were in love with Yoshiko the entire time." Dia glared at her through her tears.

"…Yes." Riko admitted reluctantly. Dia stepped back and turned away from her.

"I thought I knew you Riko."

"Even now you can't make a decision can you?" Yoshiko asked quietly. Riko looked between the two angry, hurt women who were standing before her. How many years had they all been friends? How many memories had they made, that she now had callously thrown away? If she could take it all back, if she could stop herself from hurting these two who meant the world to her she would. But,

"I'm sorry. I can't." she sat back down and began crying into her hands.

Dia and Yoshiko sat down on either side of her, unable to hold back their tears any longer as well.

"I just love you both." Riko sobbed desperately. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."


	2. Falling

Several days had passed since that fateful gathering at Riko's. Yoshiko hadn't spoken to either her or Dia since, and found herself wandering around downtown aimlessly. There was nothing to do today, no one to see. She couldn't bother Ruby with all of this. And Hanamaru and Mari were both in other parts of the country. So she just let her feet take her wherever they would. Ultimately she just ended up shopping. She'd regret it when she'd need to eat next month, but she'd worry about that later.

Yoshiko strolled into one of her favorite restaurants, only to stop dead in her tracks when she saw Dia sitting at a table alone. Yoshiko hesitated. She wasn't in any mood to see Dia, but no doubt the other girl would agree.  _We can just ignore each other right?_  Yoshiko glanced back at the exit several times before running out of the restaurant.

It wasn't that she blamed Dia for what happened. It was Riko's fault. But she couldn't help but be mad at her as well. She sighed, wondering if things could ever reclaim a semblance of normality. Yoshiko ran into an alleyway, cutting between the buildings and main streets. It was a tight squeeze, but she eventually emerged near a mostly abandoned bridge overlooking a railway. Setting her bags down, Yoshiko wandered out onto the bridge and leaned against the wall of it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

The train blared as it approached. Her job was going nowhere. Every day she was reprimanded by her boss for the pettiest things. The love of her life had cheated on her with the woman she'd always considered an older sister. The destruction of that relationship left no room for any friendships to recover. Everyone else was so busy and happy with their lives, was she just a burden? What was she holding onto this mortal world for? She had fallen from heaven once. Yoshiko hesitantly swung one leg over the wall of the bridge. Why couldn't she fall from this world as well? She heard the train rumble down the tracks.

_It's time to go home._ She thought, as she threw her arms back.

"Yoshiko-san!" a voice shouted out over the rumble of the train. There was an arm pulling her back. Yoshiko fell backwards onto someone as they stumbled to the ground. "Yoshiko-san! What are you doing?" the voice trembled as two arms wrapped tightly around her. "Thank god I found you."

Yoshiko recognized that voice. "Dia-san?" she mumbled. Why was she here?

"I called out to you but you ran out of the restaurant so fast. I tried following you but you disappeared. I had this ominous feeling in my gut when I couldn't find you." Her grip around Yoshiko tightened. "What were you thinking?"

Yoshiko couldn't answer. Dia knew full well what Yoshiko was thinking. Did she really need to say it now?

"Why are you even here?" Yoshiko tried to regain her composure. "When we left her place I told you I hated you."

"And I said the feeling was mutual." Dia nuzzled Yoshiko, her tears falling into the younger woman's hair. "I wasn't lying. But that doesn't mean you aren't still like a sister to me."

Yoshiko began to cry. She was so lonely. "It'll be okay somehow. I know how you're feeling." Dia tried to reassure her, adding more softly "Let me help you." Yoshiko couldn't help herself, suddenly breaking Dia's grip and turning to kiss her. Her lips tasted of salt. Dia didn't stop her, embracing her once more and pulling her in as their kissing became more frantic. Neither woman understood what they were doing. They just knew they needed this, and let their instinct guide them.

* * *

They soon found themselves at a love hotel. Hand in hand they walked into their room for the day and set down Yoshiko's bags. Dia guided her to the bathroom where they stripped each other and stepped into the shower. They kissed each other beneath the hot water as the room steamed up. Yoshiko hungered for the other girl's creamy skin, kissing her neck and shoulders, leaving marks where she would bite and suck on her skin. Dia would nibble on her ears and trail kisses down her neck. Yoshiko washed Dia's hair, and in return Dia washed her's as well. The two women then lathered the soap into the other's skin, massaging each other as the hot water rinsed away the day's dirt and worries. Yoshiko quivered under Dia's touch. Dia soon turned the water off, and after drying each other off, led Yoshiko over to the bed.

They sat down next to each other on the edge of the bed, clad in only their towels.

"I don't know what I'm feeling." Yoshiko finally said. "I just know I need this right now, I need this so badly Dia."

Dia hesitated before she spoke. "To be honest, the feeling is mutual. It should feel wrong, but for right now, I don't care. Let's just forget everything else. Let's forget everyone else, especially her." She stared into Yoshiko's eyes as she spoke, placing a hand on her thigh.

"Then I've already forgotten." Yoshiko moved to straddle Dia, kissing her once more.

What was that woman doing? Yoshiko wondered only briefly. Was she hurt? Was she regretting how she treated Dia and Yoshiko? The thoughts were soon pushed from her mind as Dia rolled her onto the bed. How that woman felt? It didn't matter. How Yoshiko felt? The world outside of the hotel room? Right now none of that mattered. It was only her and Dia, two lonely people in each other's arms. That was all that needed to matter right now.


	3. Moving On?

Dia groaned as she rolled over in bed. As the clock on the nightstand came into focus she could see the time. It was only nine at night.  _This is going to fuck with my schedule_ , she thought, dreading being awake all night. A pain shot through her as she sat up. It had been a long while since she'd felt this sore. She looked over at Yoshiko as she slept, her body covered with the marks from their lovemaking. Dia then glanced at her own body which bore Yoshiko's marks as well.  _Lovemaking?_  She frowned.  _It was hate. Just unbridled frustration, desperation and loneliness._ Dia preferred being the dominant one in bed. However so did Yoshiko. The sex between the two of them ended up being a constant fight for dominance.  _But still, when was the last time I've been fucked so well?_

She considered waking Yoshiko up for another round, pinning her down and having her way with her before Yoshiko were fully awake enough to turn the tables. Instead she laid back down, gently putting an arm around her sleeping form as she nuzzled her neck.

When she had seen Yoshiko in the restaurant earlier that day, she'd debated whether or not to say anything to her. What could she say though? They had parted on rather poor terms, but it didn't feel right to just ignore her. She worked up the nerve to just go with it, and called out to her, only for Yoshiko to suddenly run out of the establishment in a panic. Dia had immediately called over the waitress and after a momentary delay was able to pay, subsequently booking it out of the restaurant, chasing after the direction she last saw Yoshiko go. It was absurd for Yoshiko to run from her, even after that night, so Dia wanted to find her, to just talk about this, somehow. But she could have gone anywhere, so Dia began asking the passerby if they saw anyone matching her description. Eventually the trail ran cold and a sick feeling began welling up inside of her.

Dia squeezed Yoshiko gently as she recalled that feeling. It could only have been a miracle that guided her to that alleyway, where she found Yoshiko on the other side…

She didn't want to think about that. About what if she'd gone in some other direction, or arrived seconds too late. She didn't want to think about her blame in this, or of Riko. She didn't want to ever experience that overwhelming fury of guilt, fear, dread, desperation and helplessness that she felt as she raced towards that bridge, futilely screaming Yoshiko's name.

Dia hadn't intended to end up here in bed with Yoshiko. But after she pulled her back, she didn't know what to do. She just let her feelings guide her. And somehow here they were. But now what did this mean?

_I don't want to be with Yoshiko_. At the beginning of the day, Dia had been certain of this. It was one of those things that didn't even cross her mind as an option, so how could she have thought otherwise? Dia understood the day's events, but was starting to think she didn't quite comprehend them.  _We were both been hurt by the same person. We were vulnerable, and then I found Yoshiko in an even more vulnerable, dangerous state. Wasn't that all there was to it? And what does Yoshiko think of any of this? Will she be alright?_ Dia's stomach knotted up when she thought about leaving Yoshiko alone. _What if I'm not there next time?_

Dia was considering texting Ruby to see if she can hang out with Yoshiko, when the other girl yawned.

"Good morning." Dia whispered gently.

"Good morning." Yoshiko mumbled groggily. "Wait." She suddenly shot up, knocking Dia off of her. "Shit I have to get to work what time is it?" Yoshiko buckled over from the sudden pain shooting up her ass as she looked around for a clock. "Fuck"

"Relax Yoshiko-san." Dia couldn't help but laugh at the other girl's antics. I was only teasing you. We've only been asleep for a few hours."

"Oh thank god." Yoshiko plopped back down, relieved. As much as she loathed her job, she couldn't afford to lose it. And there was no way she could have walked into the office without having showered. "Oh fuck, Dia look what you've done to me?" Yoshiko groaned as she finally noticed the marks all over herself. Then she looked at Dia and laughed at her own handiwork, her body aching as she did. "Ohh I'm going to be sore all day."

"I agree." The two girls snuggled up facing each other and pulled up the bed sheet. "I guess we should talk about today."

"I'd really rather not Dia."

"We have to at some point."

"I know, but, just not now." Yoshiko blushed. "Can't we just stay as we are for today? We can deal with this tomorrow or some other day."

"Yoshiko…" Dia hesitated. "There will be another day? Right?" Yoshiko shifted her eyes as she felt shame well up inside her.

"I'm sorry I worried you." She finally said.

"Don't be sorry Yoshiko." Dia began as she embraced her. "I'll always worry about you. But if you can't come to me, please know you can come to Ruby, or Mari, or Hanamaru, any of the other girls. We're all here for you." Dia verged on tears as she spoke, hoping that her words were right and would make sense.

"Except her." Yoshiko said quietly as she buried her face in Dia's chest. Dia didn't know what to say here. It was Riko's callousness that set everything off.

"She hurt me too, Yoshiko." She finally responded while she ran her hand through Yoshiko's long hair.

"So now what do we do?" Yoshiko broke the silence after a few minutes.

"We can stay the night here but we both have to be up early for work."

Yoshiko wasn't really thrilled about the idea of going back to her place and spending the night alone. And while she didn't understand what happened between her and Dia or why, she really didn't want to part from her just yet. But…

"I want to stay as we are for today. But, I really don't want to spend all night in a love hotel." Yoshiko stated rather indecisively.

"Well…" Dia paused, wondering if she should make the offer. "Do you want to stay at my place? She hesitantly asked.

"Wait, really?" Yoshiko winced as she sat up. "I mean what exactly are we doing here?"

"I thought you didn't want to talk about that?"

"I don't."

"Then we won't. But you can still stay over." Dia sat up now as well. "Do you want to go for another round before we leave here?" she asked, rubbing Yoshiko's thigh.

"Normally I'd be up for it." Yoshiko began while she considered the proposition. "But I haven't eaten anything all day." Dia smiled as she pulled her hand back.

"We should probably shower again. I'll call for a cab to pick us up in half an hour? And then when we're on our way over, I'll place an order for some pizza?"

Yoshiko smiled at the other woman's suggestion. Nearly all of the anger and frustration she held towards her had melted away. Dia had always been overbearing and annoying. But she was also always able to make you feel safe when you were around her.

* * *

Dia was nervous as she led Yoshiko into her apartment. She hadn't cleaned up in a few days. "I apologize for the mess." She said as she turned on the lights.

"Heh?" Yoshiko stood there mouth agape, trying to process the "mess" as it was called. The apartment was spotless. Or nearly spotless. "In what world is this a mess? This place is cleaner than mine  _after_  I've cleaned up." Dia frowned. In exactly what conditions was Yoshiko living?

"Well anyway, please make yourself at home while we wait for the pizza to arrive." Dia scurried off toward her bathroom in embarrassment.

Yoshiko did as she was told and flopped down onto the sofa, kicking her feet up onto the coffee table. Dia's apartment was pretty nice. The main room was fairly large and filled wall to wall with books, save for a space in front of the sofa which housed a respectable but disappointingly sized television in Yoshiko's opinion.

_The furniture looks pretty expensive, so there's no reason Dia couldn't buy a larger tv_. She mused as she turned on the tv and began flipping through the channels.  _There's nothing good on is there? I wonder what her bedroom is like._

"Yoshiko must you put your feet on the table?" Dia grimaced when she returned.

"No I mustn't, but I did." Yoshiko responded absentmindedly. Dia was about to retort when there was a knock at the door.

"That must be the pizza." Dia walked over to the door while Yoshiko pulled up Netflix. Dia wasn't signed in so Yoshiko signed into her own account and began browsing. When Dia came back with the pizza they sat there, eating and watching Yoshiko's favorite black comedy sitcom.

After they were finished eating, they laid down on the sofa, Dia's arms wrapped around Yoshiko, the next episode on auto-play. Maybe it was just the day's drama; maybe it was just the rebound, and the mutual loneliness they felt. But Dia didn't want to let go of Yoshiko again.

_How do you feel Yoshiko? Will we even talk again after you leave tomorrow morning?_ The thought pained her. Dia liked to fancy herself pragmatic and reasonable, not one to hold her head in the clouds. But she couldn't help but think,  _Maybe this was meant to happen._ But she didn't dare ask. Not yet. And she held those thoughts close, just as she held Yoshiko while they drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we'll see what Riko's been up to.


	4. What Happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chika and You check in on Riko.

Chika and You knocked on the door of Riko's apartment and waited. They hadn't seen her in a while, and she suddenly messaged them to cancel their monthly get together. The problem was her message didn't feel like Riko. They knew something was wrong, but not what, and they weren't going to just ignore their best friend. She was going to see them today whether she wanted to or not.

"Okay in that case…" Chika said after a few minutes without an answer. She pulled out her spare key to Riko's apartment. "We'll just let ourselves in.

"Excuse us." You said to no one in particular as they walked through the door.

"Riko, we know you're in here." Chika called out. They heard a mumble that sounded vaguely like "go away" coming from her bedroom.

"Not a chance. You aren't acting like yourself." You called back to Riko as they walked into her bedroom. They weren't prepared for the sight that met them.

"Oh god Riko, when was the last time you left your apartment?" Chika was in shock. You was speechless. The bedroom stunk. The floor was littered with cartons and packaging from fast food. Riko was on the bed about to burst into tears and covering her face in shame.

"Why did you guys come?" Riko asked as she sobbed

"We've known you a long time Riko." You told her as she eyed the bedroom in horror. "We know how you sound when you message us. You weren't yourself."

"We were right." Chika added. "Riko, what happened to your job?" Riko just shrugged in response as she failed to calm down. You and Chika cautiously made their way to the bed, the smell worsening the closer they got to Riko. They sat down on each side, one rubbing her shoulder, the other running their hand through her hair.

"We don't know what's going on if you don't tell us, but we want to help you if we can." Chika tried to reassure Riko as her sobs began to lessen.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be okay." You tried to soothe her, only for Riko to hiccup as she burst into tears again.

"No, i-it's a-all my f-fau-lt!" Riko cried as she buried her face again. You and Chika exchanged a worried glance as they tried to figure out what to do. They'd never seen her like this.

"Riko, when was the last time you showered?" You asked her. Riko again just shrugged. "Here's the plan. We'll clean this place up a bit while you take a good, long shower. Afterwards you'll put on your favorite outfit, and we'll all go to the aquarium. We'll get you out of this place and try to take your mind off whatever's upset you, and then we'll go have a good meal somewhere where you'll finally tell us what's wrong."

Riko looked up at You, and that wide, reassuring smile. Even now when she had all the reason to do so, You didn't betray a hint of pity, only concern. It made Riko feel even worse. She looked over at Chika, who looked so worried. Over someone like Riko. She felt like scum. But she agreed to their plan and stumbled over to her bathroom.

* * *

She had never thought that water could be so soothing, as she stood beneath the stream and stared downwards. She pinched her stomach and frowned at how much weight she'd put on in such a short time. She just let the water wash over her for a few minutes before she even began to clean herself.

_If only it could wash away my guilt and my mistakes as well._

* * *

You and Chika busied themselves cleaning up Riko's room. They opened the window all the way and gathered up the trash into several bags. You ran out quickly to grab some air fresheners from the convenience store while Chika vacuumed the room and gathered up Riko's bedsheets to be washed later.

They excused themselves when Riko was finished in the shower so that she could change. Riko already felt a little bit better now that she had showered for the first time in what must've been weeks. She was thankful her favorite dress still fit her, but she made a mental note to start visiting the gym again. But she frowned when she thought of Chika and You waiting for her on the other side of that door, unknowing of how she'd hurt their friends. Worried about her when she didn't deserve to be worried over. She braced herself and joined them, their smiling faces greeting her.

"Alright, let's go." You urged her.

They gathered into Chika's car but before she could start the car, Riko felt the need to confess.

"Chika, You, its not fair to keep you two in the dark. I…" Riko struggled to come clean. She imagined how upset they'd be with her, that they'd kick her out of the car and drive away. "I cheated on Dia and Yoshiko with the other." The car was silent. "Yoshiko and I had been sleeping together when Dia asked me out. But I didn't break things off with Yoshiko. And then she wanted to go steady as well. I…I couldn't give either of them up. Eventually they found out. We had a fight…they left me."

You and Chika weren't sure what to say. Chika had suspected that Riko was sleeping with Yoshiko at some point, but never said anything since it wasn't her business what they did with each other.

"So you see…its all my fault." Riko said with tears welling up in her eyes once more. "So I don't deserve you two worrying over me." She couldn't hold back her tears anymore and prepared herself for their scorn.

"Riko you idiot." Chika said after a moment's silence. "You're our friend. Of course we'll worry about you, even if you've brought your problems on yourself.

"But? Aren't you disappointed in me?" Riko had fully expected them to condemn her.

"Honestly, yeah." You told her. "But that doesn't mean we don't care about you. You've really been beating yourself up over this."

"Riko, you lost your job and began living like a shut-in slob. We can't condone your cheating, but how could we not worry?"

"Have you even spoken to them since?" You asked.

"No. I kept calling them the first few days but they'd never answer." Riko sniffled.

"I mean I don't blame them." Chika muttered.

"I feel like it'd be best if you could at least apologize, not that it'd make it right. But that might take time." You frowned and handed Riko a tissue.

"For now, help us understand, Riko. Why? You had to know that was wrong."

"I know. I just loved them both…I still do. I couldn't bear to lose either of them." Riko wanted to keep crying but tried to calm herself down.

"You should know you can't just have it all." Chika chastised her.

"Honestly yeah, I'd have expected this from Chika not you."

"Hey!"

"I just mean Riko's always been the most responsible of us."

"Well…yeah." Chika admitted. Riko couldn't help but laugh a little, and her friends smiled back at her.

"Look," You began. "We can't change what you've done. You can't change what you've done. But you know you can't keep living like that. I don't know if you can make amends with those two, but if you're really sorry, you owe it to them and yourself to at least learn from this."

"I know…I know." Riko sighed. "You two, you're too good to me."

"Riko, do you think you should come back home for a little while? You can work at the ryokan with me while you get back on your feet." Chika suggested.

"No!" Riko suddenly raised her voice and shot forward in her seat. "I can't let my mom see me like this...I can't just run home like a little girl because I screwed up."

"Alright, but the offer still stands if you change your mind."

"Thank you Chika, but this is my fault. I have to do this myself."

Chika started up the car and shared a knowing glance with You. They planned to keep Riko out until night, keep her out of that apartment as long as they could so that she could clear her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry Riko fans for such an unflattering portrayal of her. Anyways, I just want to say I appreciate everyone who reads these things.


	5. I Don't Know

Dia nuzzled Yoshiko's neck as they lay together on the couch watching tv. She still wasn't sure what to think of this situation.

Dia hadn't expected Yoshiko to come back after that first night. She had left early the next morning, before Dia even woke up. No note, no goodbye or anything. She assumed that would be the last time she'd see her. So Dia was incredibly, happily surprised when she came home from work that day to see Yoshiko waiting outside her apartment. The next few days continued in this manner, with Yoshiko staying the night, only to leave without a word come morning, just to show back up in the evening.

And then things began to change. Yoshiko began to bring some video games, a change of clothes and toiletries with her, and would stay until they both had to leave for work the next morning. Dia had a spare key made for Yoshiko, who reluctantly accepted it. There were some days where Yoshiko didn't go home at all, and a pile of her things had begun to accumulate in the corner of Dia's bedroom. So one day she cleared out space in her closet and dresser, and encouraged Yoshiko to make use of them. She was again reluctant, but the next day she showed up with some more of her clothing. By this point, although they'd never properly talked about it, it really felt like they were living together.

And while Dia couldn't be happier, there was still a melancholy hanging over Yoshiko, one that she didn't know how to cure.

"Hey Dia?" Yoshiko asked suddenly.

"Hm?"

"I want you to choke me."

Dia sat up and looked at Yoshiko, confused. She had no problem choking her during sex, but just like this? Out of the blue?

"No."

Yoshiko sat up and faced Dia. "Please."

"I'm not comfortable with this."

"Why not?" Yoshiko asked defiantly.

"This isn't right. Yoshiko, just tell me what's wrong." Dia stared into Yoshiko's eyes, pleading. But Yoshiko averted her gaze towards the floor. "Please let me in."

"What are we doing?" Yoshiko finally began. "What are we Dia? If you hadn't found me that day, or if I hadn't even gone out that day, we wouldn't be together. Doesn't this relationship just seem like a farce?"

"What are you talking about? Do you think the past month was a joke to me? Of course I'm serious about you!" Dia couldn't help but feel offended at the insinuation that she wasn't genuine.

"I'm serious too Dia. What are we? Do we have anything going for us besides sex?"

"I thought the sex was good."

"It is! It's the best I've ever had, but you and I are both domineering. Neither of us ever wants to be the sub." Yoshiko stood up and paced about the room. "And it seems like the sex is the only thing we have, so what happens when one of us is finally fucking tired of always fighting each other in bed?"

"That just isn't true!" Dia called her out as she stood up. "Every day I look forward to coming home and seeing you. We don't even have sex every day, so how can you really think I just want you around to fuck?"

"After you found me what's the first thing we did?" Yoshiko shouted accusingly as she gestured at Dia. "You took me to a damn love hotel. How am I supposed to not think you just want to fuck?"

"Don't blame that all on me! You were fawning all over me on our way there. I was surprised you even held out until we arrived!"

"We never go out. All we do is fuck and watch tv or play games. Have we even told anyone we're together? If you hadn't seen me try to kill myself, do you honestly think we'd be together right now?"

That took the air right out of her. Dia really didn't know what to say. It's true that she'd never considered Yoshiko as anything but a friend before that day, and that they'd last left on very poor terms.

"It feels like you're with me out of guilt. Because of everything with Riko. But you don't need to worry about that. That wasn't the first time I've ever wanted to die." Yoshiko confessed.

"I'm sorry." Dia was at a loss for words. "I didn't know. Did any of the others?" she held out an arm to embrace Yoshiko but hesitated.

"Hanamaru and Ruby." she muttered. "I didn't want to burden everyone with my problems."

"Yoshiko you're not a burden. And I'm not with you out of guilt…If you still want to die, I can't stop you." Dia began to tear up as she hugged Yoshiko. "But just please understand, I'm not lying when I say that I love you."

"How can you say that?" Yoshiko voice was unsteady as tears streamed down her face. "How can you think that?"

"Because it's true! Don't ask me why it happened, it just is."

Yoshiko clutched at Dia's back as she cried into her shoulder. "I'm sorry I can't say it back."

"It's okay. It's okay." Dia tried to comfort her as her own heart sank. It wasn't surprising, but it still hurt to know that they felt so differently. "Yoshiko if you don't want to be here with me, I understand. And I won't stop you."

"No!" Yoshiko faced Dia. "No…I do want to be here. It just doesn't feel real. Like I'll wake up, and we'll just be tired of this. Or you'll run back to Riko. I'm sorry." she sobbed.

"I could never be tired of you. I want you to understand, I'm yours." Dia kissed Yoshiko on the head. "You've always been so strong. But you don't need to be strong alone."

* * *

Later that night Yoshiko had trouble sleeping. Dia was asleep with her arms wrapped around her. Yoshiko carefully climbed out of bed without disturbing her and threw on a robe. She turned to admire Dia's slender, nude body covered in scratches and bite marks courtesy of herself. She smiled, knowing that she bore just as many marks from Dia as well. She quietly pulled up the bed sheets over her and turned off the lights as she left the bedroom.

Yoshiko sat down on the couch, turned on the tv and pulled up Dia's Netflix account. She pulled her knees in towards her and sighed. Tomorrow they've made plans to go on a proper date. Yoshiko wanted to be happy. She really did like being with Dia. But she felt guilty. If she loved Dia, was it because of Dia, or was it just because Dia was the one who found her that day? She couldn't make sense of her own feelings. Everything happened so fast. But the more time she's spent here, the more she thinks she has in fact fallen for her. And the more that scares her.


End file.
